Even in times of war- one needs a sense of humor...
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The Woman and the Genie in the Bottle A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle.
She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared.
The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope, sorry three-wish genies are a story-tale
myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle
East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each
other and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-
versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable.
These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of
shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not
THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please
be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been
able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun,
likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is GREAT in bed and
gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is
faithful. That's what I wish for .. a good man."
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said: "Let me see that freakin' map again!
The Balloonist A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She lowered altitude and spotted a man below. She
descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you
help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour
ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his GPS and replied, "You're are in
a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground
elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31
degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees,
49.09 minutes west longitude."
"You must be enlisted," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told
me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to
make of your information, and the fact is I am still
lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The man responded, "You must be an officer."
"I am", replied the balloonist, "but how did you
know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or
where you are going. You have risen to where you are
due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise
which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me
to solve your problem. You are lost due to your own
incompetence and negligence but you want to blame
someone else. The fact is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before we met, but now, somehow,
it's my fault."  HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? Golden Retriever - The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb. Border Collie - Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code and repaint the wall where you scuffed it in the dark, before moving on to the plumbing. Dachshund - You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Rottweiler - Make me. Boxer - Who cares? I can play with my squeaky toy in the dark. Lab - Oh, me, me!!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeze, please, please, please pick me! ******* ***
FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES *** What do you call a snail that sails? A snailer!!! ** * The jokes below were contributed by one of our volunteers whose husband is retired USAF, and a retired police officer , Cheryl is a minister herself...this is not meant to offend anyone but more to bring a smile no matter what one's beliefs are...United we stand. 7 reasons not to mess with a child
A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
 
September 11, 2001. Never Forget.
2001 Trademark and Copyright- All rights reserved - Homefront Hugs USA To contact us: info@HomefrontHugs.com Homefront Hugs USA and its programs does not endorse any political party or candidate. We are here strictly to provide support and comfort to our service members,veterans and their families, regardless of political or religious affiliation. We do not discriminate on the basis of race, religion, or politics in accordance with our United States constitution and in honor of our troops and veterans worldwide who come from all walks of life to serve our country with honor, great personal sacrifice and courage.
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